Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
