Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
