Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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