In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
