I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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