I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
