Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
