I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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