Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
