My cat gives me a boner
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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