Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
