I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
