Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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