So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
