my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
