I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
