This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
