You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
