He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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