Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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