Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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