I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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