So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
