i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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