yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
