I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can I color on your dick again?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
