So drunk its hurt
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
