pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
