Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize