Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
