Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
