Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize