just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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