I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
