dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
