i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
