I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
