Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
