if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
