I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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