It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize