you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
