I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
