Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
