I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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