Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
