That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
