Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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