Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
