Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
