Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
