Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
