You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
