what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
