exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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