is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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