Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
