She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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