I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
