i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
