you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
