Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
