Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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