Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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