He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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