By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
