Whod you bang
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
