Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
