were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
