God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
