this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
