apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Boobs speak an international language.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
