we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
