Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Too much gin, very little bucket
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
