I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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