My hand turned me down
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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