that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
