1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
