It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
