I wish my penis had an off switch
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
