eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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