Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
