I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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