why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
