i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
