worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
