I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
