it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
