Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
