Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize