I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dick very happy bro
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
