Don't make out with my wife yet
My cat gives me a boner
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
