After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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