i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
