I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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