I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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