My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
