She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
