She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
