I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
