i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
