I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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