There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
