I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
