Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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