Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
