last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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