I look better un-naked...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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