Little spoons don't ask big questions
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
