Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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