there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize