Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
